Fearsome
by NellieRai
Summary: Birthday present for Sav. Caskett. No spoilers. "It splinters. Claws. Rips. It obliterates her. The air rushes out of her lungs..."


**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N: Okay so I wrote several little one shots for Savannah for her birthday (August 1st) and this is one of them. She's already read it so I thought I would go ahead and post since I haven't been updating a lot lately. Sorry guys. **

**I left part of it open ended, imagine whatever scenario you'd like regarding the case and what happens there. This is just a tiny snippet into some feelings. enjoy. **

It splinters. Claws. Rips. It obliterates her. The air rushes out of her lungs. They collapse in an agony she feels pull apart every fiber of her being. Her ribs expand on the next panicked breath. A rush of pain sinks in. It feels as though they crack open, tearing and shredding through her skin. Leaving her insides exposed to the harsh elements.

Her beating heart racing, clenching tight. Hurting. Aching. An agony she's never felt. Something similar once but this is different. Her eyes saw firsthand. Watched. Fear and adrenaline rushing in. Moving her legs, making her run. She's been stock still. Stunned immobile and now she's rushing to his side. Catching him before he can fall, easing him down clumsily. Her body in shock and his not cooperating.

He's pale. His skin so white and she pushes his hands away, needs to see. Her eyes blur everything, the tears in them making it impossible to look. All she sees is red. She presses her fingers there. Murmuring a broken apology when he winces. When his eyes slam shut and the air whistles through his teeth.

She barely knows how to dial. Her fingers not cooperating. She barely spits out the address. And she lies. Tells them an officer is down. Because he's her partner and it's the same thing. He doesn't have the uniform but he's hers.

"You're okay, you're gonna be fine." It's for her more than him. He's back to staring at her, eyes open and pain filled. His lips tilting.

"It's not so bad, Beckett." A lie. She's felt a blade slice through her skin before. But not in the side, not so deep.

Wasn't supposed to happen. Routine. Just one last loose end to tie up. No one was supposed to be hurt. She swallows the sob that wants out.

"Bus is on its way. Just stay with me." He nods. His hand slides over hers and she knows it's supposed to be comforting but now the slickness of his blood is between their skin and there's nothing soothing about it at all.

Not a damn thing. She sniffs, stares down at their hands. The blood. Oh. Her eyes catch on his ring. He's been her husband for a little over a year. Not enough.

That's not enough time. She has things she needs to say, things she wants to plan together. They're supposed to be starting a family. Kids. At least soon. They'd said soon a few months ago.

"Kate,"

"Shut up. Don't." His fingers squeeze around hers. She presses harder. Making him groan.

"S'not so bad. Barely hurts." He's such a liar but it's what she needs. She shakes her head at him. A sharp scoff escapes her. "We've had worse."

She can't deny that one. And he's still coherent. It's a sign in his favor, she hopes. They have had worse. She has scars. Physical and emotional. He does too. But not this.

She tries not to think about it. About the night she'd planned for them. Something silly and fun. What is taking so goddamn long for help?

But she doesn't even know how long it's been. She just knows her fingers are cramping. There's blood pooling beneath him. Staining her knees. It's slipping out between her fingers.

"Don't cry." She barely hears him. Doesn't realize she is. "Kate...I -"

"Don't you dare. You're fine. You hear me, Castle? You are fine." Her voice breaks. "Don't leave, Babe."

He has to be okay. God, he's so pale.

* * *

She snuck away seconds ago. Needed a minute. His blood is still stained on her hands. Buried beneath her nails. She needs it off.

She was right. He's fine. Relatively. Sutured but okay. No organs perforated. But the ache still remains in her chest. The splintered feeling of watching it happen and thinking everything they've built, their relationship, their partnership would be gone. That he would be gone. So fast. And she'd been too slow.

She's locked herself in the bathroom. Staring at herself in the mirror before she turns on the faucet. And then she scrubs. And scrubs. Adding more and more soap to wash away the red.

There's nothing she can do for the dark blotches of it at her knees or the smears from where she worried her hands against her thighs but she can get it off her hands. The hot slickness of it had cooled and dried. And she hadn't cared. She'd forgotten because she was just worried about him. He's okay.

He's fine. Just like she said. She needs more time. The water is scalding, she doesn't care. She keeps scrubbing until her hands are raw with it. Bright pink and hurting, burning from the temperature. Her throat feels as if it's closed on its own. Again. And she shakes her head as she turns the water off. She doesn't want to think about it. Tonight was supposed to be special. Their kind of special. With popcorn fights and old movies and a silly stupid blanket fort that she'd planned to seduce him in. Just an idea she had. A place where she was going to tell him that she wants to start trying for a baby.

Instead she's in a hospital bathroom trying to dry her hands and her face at the same time. Making herself a little more presentable before she goes back to him. She blows out a breath before she unlocks the door. Doesn't know how it comes out at all when there's a fist sized knot blocking her airway. But it does. Shaking almost as much as her fingers are - have been.

She makes a brief stop in the hospital gift store. Hopes they have what she's looking for amongst the rows of cards and flowers and various little things that people really have no use for. And balloons. Congratulations with tiny blue feet. The same in pink. Not exactly what she had in mind and yet another reminder that her night didn't go as she'd wanted. The excitement is gone but she hopes she can still save it. They can still go home to movies. Forgo the popcorn fights and more vigorous activities. She's not opposed to lying in bed with him, snuggling down. Maybe they'll read. She has options. Because he's okay.

She grabs a pair of socks. Gray and thick. She doesn't know why. He has plenty at home. He doesn't need them. And Alexis brought a change of clothes. He doesn't need anything. She puts them back.

She leaves with two items. Both hidden in a white bag. She doesn't know why but she saw them and had to grab both. And the lady behind the counter had just smiled. Assuming.

Kate wanders the hall just a little longer. Giving him time with his daughter. Not long. She needs to see him.

And he's standing, hugging Alexis when she walks in. Not as pale anymore. She never wants to see him like that ever again.

The redhead eyes the bag on her arm curiously but doesn't say anything when she hugs her as well, tells her that she'll give them a moment. And it's what Kate wants. Just a moment for now. Without a doctor or a nurse or someone interrupting. She doesn't say a word to him, just leans right into his chest. Careful not to press anywhere near his stitches. He wraps one arm around her waist, kisses the top of her head. And she finally stops shaking.

"Told you I was fine." He waits until she looks up at him, eyebrow arched and then his mouth is touching hers. A soft kiss. "What's in the bag?"

"Castle, you need to sit."

"You bought me something didn't you?"

"Not exactly." And she smiles for the first time in hours. His confusion written across his face as she pushes at his shoulders and steers him to the edge of the bed. "Sit. Don't want you passing out on me."

"Not even dizzy, Beckett."

"It hurts less to sit. I saw you wincing. No arguments." She's not taking no for an answer and he seems to realize that. He obeys. Raising his hand to the bandage she knows is under the new pristine shirt. She perches next to him.

"Do I get my present now?"

She's not nervous. But she is. Excited even? She's not sure that's an accurate description. Not when she thought everything was crashing in and ending just hours ago.

And she opens the bag carefully, slowly. Ignoring the way he tries to peek.

"Rick," she murmurs, "I had it all planned. But then - I don't think this is the place or the time but..."

She trails off. Lifts the first item. The plush synthetic fur soft in her hands. The lion with the dark mane.

He doesn't say anything. He knows it's more than just a stuffed animal. And it is. It's two. She pulls out the friend she got with it. Gray and just a bit bigger. With black beads for eyes and big floppy ears. She looks down at them in her lap. She doesn't really know why she got them. She just saw them and...and all the bears she found had 'girl' or 'boy' written on their stomachs.

She lifts her gaze, locks on with his. A brighter blue now.

"We talked about starting a family." She hears the breath he sucks in, the moan of regret when it hurts. "We didn't set a time frame and we just didn't bring it up again but I want to. I want -"

"Is this because -"

"No. No. Our movie night, I was going to ask if we could start trying."

"You want -"

She doesn't let him finish, nods and blurts it out.

"I want a baby. Our baby." And it isn't the time or the place or anything like she planned but he still kisses her. He still cups her cheek and kisses her like he wants it too.

"Let's go home, Kate."

"Okay." He takes the elephant from her. And she cradles the lion. "But you're going straight to bed."

He wiggles his eyebrows and she lets out a laugh.

"Oh I don't think so, Castle. Not for awhile."

But soon enough they'll be expanding their family. Because he's okay


End file.
